That sounds more like a memory.

I'd really like to get into the habit of updating this thing regularly. Really. But the Myspace blog is like, right there. You know how it is when things are right there. It just doesn't seem sensible to maintain two blogs at once. Ah well. Maybe I'll start double posting and eventually just switch over here entirely.

So I'm not involved in the youth ministry anymore(at Advent), which if you're reading this, you probably already know. A year ago I'd have been devastated at such a development, but my reaction now is more a sigh of relief. It was becoming increasingly unhealthy, the environment that place perpetuates, and I wasn't doing much good besides(other than providing some rhythm.) I'm still angry about a lot of things that went on there, and being there was just making it worse. We can point blame all we want and talk about so and so's back about what they said whenever, but that shit doesn't do anybody a damn bit of good. Some people would read this and take offense. Some people.

I'm reconsidering my desire to enter youth ministry full time. It's not even a viable option right now, being as I have more immediate concerns(movingschooljob), but the more I think about all the shit that's gone down since, what, last year, the more I ask myself if this is really something I want to spend my professional life doing. And I know, I shouldn't let anyone's stupidity(that includes my own) ruin my future, but I'll hardly think it so if my profession doesn't involve a constant stream of immaturity and bickering. Not all churches or programs function that way, but it seems impossible sometimes to find one that doesn't. Especially when we're dealing with an establishment where none of them should.

My sister told me a story just the other day that made me want to howl. They were on a mission trip last week, which was unfortunately cut short due to a hurricane(it was a tropical storm at the time of their evacuation, but it got worse prior to making landfall) I don't know all the details and I'm not really all that concerned about them, but something went on to the effect of my sister's group making more noise than the other group thought prudent during the night, and apparently somebody lost sleep, or something. Last I checked you don't go away for a week with a bunch of teenagers if you're planning on sleeping a lot.

Anyway,

So one of the adults from this other youth group gets all pissy, and somehow a bunch of food crumbs end up all over the floor in the room my sister's group is sleeping in. No, really. Food crumbs. And apparently the remark was made by the aforementioned chaperon, "That's getting even."

So let me get this straight - You got made that some fifteen year old girls made some noise, and you're getting back at them by spreading, or at least allowing someone else to spread, crumbs on the floor of the room where they're sleeping? And even if you WEREN'T responsible for it and had no prior knowledge of it happening, you actually associated such a childish, bullshit act with some sort of assbackwards concept justice? Not ONLY did you do that, but you thought it acceptable - appropriate, even - to vocalize such a ridiculous notion?

My questions are as follows,
1)Who are you
2)Why are you working with teenagers
3) What in shit do you think you're doing?

People like you, madam, are ruining Christianity. People like you take the words of Christ with a glass of water before bed, and then forget what they mean. You treat the church like a social outlet with no regard for what the f*** we're supposed to be doing.

Love your neighbor. Do unto others. Turn the other cheek. Were you not paying attention, or do you just not give a f***? Did you think these were mere suggestions? Ideas? Things that Jesus was all like, "Hey, if you guys FEEL like it, and you have the TIME, MAYBE you'd like to do some of this stuff!" about?

No. They were not suggestions. They were not ideas. They were methods by which we, stupid animals who live in a universe too beautiful for our minds to even BEGIN to comprehend in full, could live a quality of life never before dreamed of.

Imagine this - All of us, every day, go out of our way to help someone. Anyone, just once, every day. You loan someone a dollar or pay for the groceries of the person standing in front of you in line. You help change a flat tire.

Or it's simpler, easier, like, say, you brush of an insensitive remark instead of getting all pissy about it and ruining everyone else's good time. Or you pay someone a compliment instead of thinking about how mad you are that you can't afford to dress like that. And then you make it a HABIT to be a generally nice person.

What if we ALL did that, all the time? What if every. single. day we made it a point to just be nice people? Instead of sitting around after church at our damn potlucks talking about your husbands promotion, and how much you disapprove of the kid who wore a hat in service this morning?

Shame on you, youth chaperon. Shame on you for being immature and unacceptable. Shame on you for thinking it's okay for you to even CONSIDER working with teenagers, when you clearly don't have half the maturity required to even CALL yourself a teenager. Shame on you, and shame on all of us.

Because you know what? This is the best part, the BEST part of the whole, screwed up mess. I'M NO BETTER THAN YOU ARE.

I know! It's amazing! I hung out with the guys yesterday, and I said "fuck", like, I don't know, twenty, thirty times, over the course of the day? And you know why? Because I'm imperfect, and sometimes when I hang out with my friends, I don't care what comes out of my mouth. Am I any better than you?

No.

Damn, I love Grace. I love it.