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I'm looking forward to this weekend being over, because it promises to be the worst one in recent history. Except maybe this next one. The smell of this entire month has thus far yielded nothing but disappointment and extreme frustration, coupled with a strong desire to kill or break something. I should take up hunting. No, actually I shouldn't, because I'd do it once and probably never again - from either guilt or laziness - and then I'd have a bunch of equipment that I'd be stuck with. What I should do instead is buy a pistole, and at times of great frustration, pull it out and fire a few shots into the air. 'Course then theres jail. I hate this month.

I work all night tonight and due to circumstances beyond my control and realm of acceptability, I would like to sleep through most to all of the day tomorrow. Consciousness promises to hold no joy tomorrow afternoon. I considered buying some Tylenol PM just to knock me out for the day, but decided against it for the fact that I don't want to get used to using drugs out of frustration. I've used the stuff before, specifically when a drastic and sudden change in my sleep schedule was required for a new job, and the stuff really does work wonders. But I'd managed to do so without any dependency, and I hope to keep it that way. Plus I don't really need that much sleep tomorrow. I simply want it.

As I followed this thought I imagined myself quite capable of becoming dependent on sleep aids, if I allowed myself too. I imagined myself unable to go to bed without them, unable to rest without them. I imagined myself building up a resistance to them, eventually needing more and more to get tired. I'm not sure how feasible that is, or if they qualify as being, "narcotic"(Tylenol PM and other non subscription sleep aids specifically). Nevertheless I saw it as possible. I have a tendency to form habits, and quickly at that.

Then I thought about people who are ACTUALLY addicted to drugs, and it was hard not to think of them as the victims. Victims of themselves, to be sure, but in a sense, still unwilling and halfway blameless. If sleep aids have a potential to be so potent, what about something more addictive like alcohol or coke? Ehg. I suppose it's all part of people compulsively needing to destroy themselves. Honda had it figured out in 1954. Drugs? Godzilla? Same damn thing.

-Blah blah blah